Marriage Salvaged After Man Drinks Coffee For The First Time
Redemption Coffee Decaf Edition
In a story that has gone viral and is gripping the nation, one fortunate couple has been seized by something already well known to many: coffee.
"Andy was struggling, we were struggling," said a teary eyed Amanda Bartlett, "I would ask him questions and he would just stare at me, like there was nothing in his head, literally nothing. Do you remember when Charleton Heston discovers his friends in Planet of the Apes? That was my life."
But that all changed when, visiting some friends for dinner, their hosts handed him a cup of coffee.
"The change was immediate," Said Lisa Schwarma, Andy's therapist. "Not only did his mood improve, he soon proceeded to counsel me on my psychiatric assessment practices and exhibited a deep grasp of modern therapy. It was such a breakthrough, I'd put an espresso machine at reception, but then I'd lose all my clients!! Are you recording this?"
Andy has started picking clothes that match, staying awake during chic flicks, and nodding and smiling when his wife speaks to him.
He also realized he has a fourth child.
This couple's story has not been without its' skeptics, however. Many are doubting that caffeine could overcome not only relational difficulties but long held lifestyle habits as well. But Andy's wife insists the proof is in the pudding, or, coffee rather.
As we questioned the veracity of Amanda's claims, she herself was drinking a Five Hour Energy while pulling a double espresso shot. "If you knew who Andy was, you wouldn't be asking these questions." She cried.
Andy's next door neighbor agreed.
"You know Theoden, that decrepit King from Lord of The Rings? That's what he looked like leaving for work in the morning. Now it's like Mr. Rogers on steroids or something, it's actually kinda creepy."
"The lights are always on", said another neighbor, "I don't think they've slept for weeks."
During publication time, Andy was reported to have been working on promising research for Coronavirus.
Decaf Edition is a lighthearted attempt by the Redemption Coffee team to escape the demands and routine of work life in the specialty coffee industry.